"The hand behind this pen relieves a failure every day."
- Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner - Fall Out Boy
Tiffany | San Francisco; Currently in South Orange, New Jersey | Twenty | Aspiring journalist
Project 2013. | My face. | GPOY. | My online shop. | FYUSLADIES. | FYUSBOYS. | Twitter. | My dream blog. | My photography. | Flickr. | Audio. | Project 365. | Project SHU. | 30 days of letters. | Weezer challenge. | Graduation music countdown. | Hong Kong trip 2011.
*Disclamer: I do not own any of the photos/gifs that I post unless otherwise stated. If you would like credit for something, please let me know.
Ask me anything.
You are who you are, what more can you do? If someone doesn’t like it, they can go fuck a donkey. Don’t get so down about those kinds of things. Just worry about yourself and your future. Yes, the past matters, but don’t let it hold you back. Focus on the positive, live for the future. Haters gonna hate and taters gonna tate.
You’re someone I’d like to go to when I’m down, but I don’t. Why is that? Because I’m afraid you wouldn’t understand or care? Or because I’m afraid you’ll just brush me off and tell me that I’m too young to feel the things I feel? Because you act like you would do these things and I’m just don’t want them to happen.
I want to tell you everything but I don’t think you’ll do anything about it. So what’s the point of telling you? I wish we had a stronger, more personal relationship.
Dear Emotional Side of Mother,
You are rarely present, but when you are, I find it purely amazing. I’ve only really encountered you three times in my life, and during those three occurrences, I learn so much about you and myself.
The first time, I was merely a 13-year-old girl filled with angst and the need of attention. I showed that in the worst kind of ways - they broke down all your walls. It showed me how selfish and stupid I was. Although I still have these urges today, I know I could never do such a thing to you. It just wouldn’t be fair to you. You (probably unwillingly and unexpectedly) brought me into this world, and you still love me. For that I should be forever appreciative, at the very least.
The second and third time you were trying to hide it for our benefit, but you couldn’t keep it for very long. It was then when I realized what family means to you. I’m sorry I don’t see it the same way, but I do understand it and will respect it.
You have lost many much too soon, and yet, you’re the strongest person I know. Although I do not hope to encounter you again anytime soon, I do hope you don’t fade away.
Dear girl I worked with at Bay-to-Breakers,
It was great setting up those cups and filling them up with water with you. I thought it was awesome that you liked the same music as I did; I thought it was even more awesome that you recognized NSN from my tee and agreed that he’s gone downhill. I like the fact that you hate being at Lowell. I wish I got your name. You’re really cool.
I don’t remember the last person I made a pinky promise to.
It will pass. Everything passes; the good, the bad, everything. It might take some time before it does, but you must be patient. I’ll be here for you in the meantime. Add oil!
To all my lovely friends, BAMMA buds, mummy, Cash, and family:
Since I don’t have one single favorite memory, and since you have all given me a favorable memory, I’m dedicating this letter to all of you. You have all made a positive impact on my life and I am eternally grateful (lol @ Beatrice).
Without you guys, I honestly believe my life would be so utterly boring that I might just off myself. So just thanks for entertaining me and being there for me and all that jazz.
Dear Robert Pattinson,
I loved you in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and I’ve been meaning to watch Remember Me. But your performance in Twilight? Horrid. Completely and utterly horrid. If ever given the chance to go back in time and do it all over, DON’T ACCEPT THE ROLE. You’d be so much better without being a sparkly vampire… sparkle like a girl’s tiara. So I guess that would be my second chance to you… (does that even count?). Anyway, yeah.
When I first saw you sophomore year, all I could think was “What is this scene kid doing in my gym class? And where’s her neon colored tutu?” But it turned out that you weren’t a scene kid (thank goodness!).
I’m glad you didn’t live up to my impression of you, ‘cause you’re a pretty cool kid. Getting to know you for the past two school years has been an eye opening experience. Late nights on the phone, hour long shopping days, cleaning up your room.
You’ve been a good friend and I can only hope that I’ve been a good friend to you in return. You deserve to have fantastic things happen for you, and trust me, you will, someday. It’ll be worth it.
My heart has never been broken, because if it had been, I would be dead. I think this expression is foolish, therefore I find this letter irrelevant.
I know you go through a lot, but sometimes, it’s not always about you. You need to open up your eyes and see that you’re not the only one going through shit; we all are. Friends support each other; it’s a two way street. It’d be nice if you were there for us, too. You’re a beautiful person, inside and out, but you need to focus on those around you. I know you are capable of doing great things, just keep trying your best.
Dear “Perfect” Tiffany,
You’re a hard worker and you’re smart. You’re a workaholic with an awesome social life. How do you juggle everything? Your bangs don’t do that weird thing where they separate and cover a part of your forehead. You rarely get acne and you don’t tan. You have a leveled head and aren’t fazed by anything. You’re so strong, mentally. You can control your feelings and thoughts so well. You never have the need to hurt yourself or anyone around you. You’re always honest and you don’t hold grudges. You’re so confident and independent. You’re good with words and you never stumble over your words. You’re pretty much everything I’m not, as cheesy as that sounds.
- The real life Tiffany.
Dear Hannah Gittleman,
It has been a very long time since we’ve had an actual conversation about something other than school and grades. You were one of my closest friends in elementary school. You are part of the reason I have so many cherished memories at Jefferson. I remember having my first sleepover and working on our Invent America project at your house. You have such a sweet family.
I also remember going to your bat mitzvah and having such a fun night. All of your friends were… interesting, to say the least.
I hope you’re having a great time at Lowell.
How’s it been? It’s been a quite a while since we’ve last spoken. How is everything over there? Is life even close to normal? How’s Grandma? Oscar? Everyone else?
Things must be tough. I can’t say if they’ll get better or not…. but I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. Man, it’s too bad you have to move back - high school would’ve been so much more fun with you around. But it’s alright, at least you were here for my middle school years. Remember those weirdo conversations you had with Cole? You freaking creep. haha.
I miss you a lot, but I’ll be seeing you in a little bit! You better be there when I get to the airport! (:
*It was difficult to think of the one person I miss the most. There are plenty of people I miss right now. Listening to “1000 Words” reminds me of one person, and looking at a photo reminds me of another. When I really put my mind to it, I know who I miss the most.
I’ve already written you a letter, but another one wouldn’t hurt.
Isn’t it amusing how we’ve been calling you the wrong name for the longest time? And even when we learned it isn’t the right name, we still called you Ma-Yee. That’s just how special you were to us, you get your own unique name.
The reason you’re the person I miss the most is because I know I will never get to see you ever again. I will never get to say good morning to you, go grocery shopping with you, go bargain hunting with you, eat yummy foods, look at girly things together, talk about going to Japan together. I won’t ever get to ask you about what this means or how to say this or learn more about life from you. I miss you the most because you’re not here anymore.
Remember those hour long phone conversations we used to have when I was younger? Remember all the places you took me? Remember crying over those cheesy HK movies together? I do. And I will never forget any of it.
You were such a beautiful human being. You’ve taught me so much about everything, and I am thankful for that. I am thankful to have you as a second mother, an aunt, a friend. If I had it my way, I would’ve dropped school to see you one more time.
You probably want me to let go of the bitterness and just accept that you’re not with us anymore. I really just can’t though. I know everyone leaves this place someday, but why was yours so early? It’s just not right.
Mommy hasn’t told me everything about it yet. I don’t want to push her to tell me, so I’ll just wait until she feels the need to tell me. I want you to know that I love you and that I miss you. I hope you’re happy wherever you are, that’s all I can really want for you.